United States parents how to say "no"When to say "no" to
Parents must be aware of when and where to say "no", the following are four when necessary.
(1) when the child's health or safety is in danger at the time saying "no". Obviously, when children want to eat pieces of wall paint containing lead, a taste he found in the garbage, toxic substances, or in the busy parking area ran around and grabbed her mother's hand, parents have to say "no". When the children during the school wants to stay up late at night when they are watching TV or a movie, they should say "no". When they want to smoke or drink, should also to their health and safety and to say "no".
(2) when the child is about to break the rules, you should say "no". Provisions designed to protect children and educate them to distinguish right from wrong and priorities in order to lead a happy life. Family rules need to be developed so that each Member knows how their family lived. Provides for teaching children how to respect other people's property, rights and customs. Provides for teaching children how to respect others, bound children to let them learn to obey and compliance--it is in the moral, legal and orderly society in vital skills for survival.
(3) in order to let the children responsibility, they should be saying "no". A responsible person is able to control and respond to demands, obligations and trust. Responsible children know and fulfill their responsibilities. Responsible children do not do what he want to do, when things especially when he to yourself or a friend (or even their own parents or other adults) to say "no". We can believe that such a child approach can be accepted.
Say "no" ten ways to (1) not to use too much "no" the words. Toddler children and school-age children and adolescent children find most repulsive is "not" Word. Try in other ways rather than a "no" to express your ideas. Try explained: "you know I want you to do, but not this time, because I will always fear when you leave. "Or," I don't think it's a good idea. Can you think of any other good ideas? "Or," you can't play with that. But some of the things you can play. Let us into the cellar to find some of your favorite things. "
(2) let the children make their own decisions. You can teach them to think and reason to encourage them to make their own choices and decisions. One method is to ask the child's idea. If your child asks if he can go to fairs with friends you've never agreed to, you can ask a question. For example, you can ask: "How do you think I will answer this question? "It gives kids a chance to speak. "Oh, you've never had agreed, so I guess you could say ' no '." You can say: "Yes, but if you want to play with my friends today, you can get them here for you. "Or you can answer:" I have to go to the market, if you want your friends to go with us, I am happy to go with you for a while. "
In this case another way of asking children idea is: "why do you think I would say ' no '? "This gives the opportunity to explain the expected situation:" unsafe because children themselves to the market. "Poplar table you should give positive feedback:" Yes, answered very well. It shows that you really think. "
(3) for persuasion and education. In the process of persuading you remind children not to forget their own values and standards. For example, if your daughter asked if he could go to the friend's House after dark, you can say: "I know you want to do it, because you want to stay with friends. But I know you are a clever boy, and I'm sure you would have thought that a girl walking alone at night in the evening is not safe. "
Here's another example of persuasion and education: your son Michael after school and says he hates Jeffrey, the bus boys with them. "He called me in the car today," said Michael Huff, "if he will do it again tomorrow, I'll hit him in the face. "In order to convince the education, you can say:" I know Jeffrey really make you angry. He is not that much better than you thin child? If you want to play a less strong than their children, do you feel good? "
After the persuasion and education, you can help children understand what you mean and asked about ideas. "So, what do you think about what I said? "Kids will agree in most cases as it is not fair or wise.
(4) a fresh look at the problem. This means another disappointing issue so that event to the positive aspects of the change. For example, if Brian was told can't have friends over tonight, because the mother is going to break early and did not want to be the noise of 3 12-year old boy woke. Through this explanation can help Brian to look at this issue again.
"Brian, I know not to ask your friends to play tonight make you unhappy. But let us see if you can do something else at home. Do you think you can do something? "
This way, you can help Brian to see yourself not like problems. If he can come up with another one or two spare approach ("can I call you to chat with friends," or "I guess we could rent a video and order a pizza"), he will not because there is no night and gather with friends and lost his temper.
(5) speak out said "no" as a reason. If there can be a reasonable and logical to speak out to say "no" as a reason, children of all ages are easier to accept rejection. However, this means that you must make it clear why the child's request. If the reason given is not sufficient, perhaps you did just to control the kids, or let the children unconditional obedience.
If a child asks, "can I do a garage wall plays tennis? "If the answer is" no ", then you should have a pretty good reason for it. Explanation might help: "I don't like the way you did, so the neighbors can hear noise. "Or" I don't want you to do that, because I'm afraid you'll get dents on aluminum siding. "
(6) the proposed provisions. Don't just say "no", and let the child know his request in violation of established rules. Heather asked her if he could use his father's car out on a date. Father said, "on my car what do we have? "Heather assumed that provisions are only used in emergency situations his father's car. She said: "I know the rules are my only true emergency vehicles, but tonight was the case. Charlie's car had broken down. But we promised to go to a concert with Jane and Phil. "
Then her father said: "I'm sorry, but this does not meet the requirements, do you remember why we developed this rule? Because I need to use a car, and if the car goes wrong, I can't go to work. In a real emergency, I will let you use the car. "
(7) let them know that you expect of mature and responsible behavior. Sometimes, you can not to mention "no" could also indicate that you expect your children to make good decisions. As children become more independent, they need to exercise their mind. If you do not make decisions for them, you give them a chance to live up to their expectations. In other words, you let them fully assume the responsibility of making mature decisions.
If the kids asked if he could go to school at night to watch the baseball game, and called the next morning to do his homework. You know that little chance of his getting up early and finish your homework. However, you do not want to quarrel and heard him say: "I don't believe what you said. "One way to deal with this problem is said," I know that this job is very important, and you must be finished tomorrow. I know the baseball game is very important to you. I believe that you can make the right decision. I'm sure you could do no wrong. "
If he made "the right decision" and made the job less important. In this case you showed on his judgment and a sense of trust.
(8) when you said "no" expressed regret and sympathy. When parents refuse to children or when children feel their parents do not understand themselves. You can indicate that you understand and agree that he heard "no" mood. If Jenny wanted to attend overnight Motel party after the prom, you can refuse, expressed sympathy. You can say: "I disapprove of what you do, I'm sorry about it, because I know that tonight is very important to you. I know you fully intend to go to the party, and if not to be disappointed. Despite the let you down, but I can't agree with you. "
(9) tell the children you say "no" in order to be able to say "Yes". Sometimes kids will not abide by the rules and we want to stop them. For example your child being shouted at a visiting friend threw the ball. It makes you and your guests feel annoyed.
You can say: "I took the ball, so there will be returned to you. You think Marty left to play, right? Well, before she left the ball was temporarily saved by me. I want her to stay with us. She left you can go play ball. "Using this way of parenting and kids stop trick, now to say" no ", but let the children look forward to your future will say" Yes ".
(10) use humorous means. If there is one thing that can help parents and children through their adolescence, and that is a sense of humor, even in saying "no"--while United States parents often do--also tried to add a little humor. Although humorous to rejected or constrained the children can be very effective, but never let your kids think you're laughing at him or he is not respect.
In refusing requests for the children to take these ten ways to avoid causing the child angry revolt or boycott. Savvy parents are good at using the children acceptable ways of saying "no".
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